Happy Parents, Happy Children
Custom HTML/CSS/JAVASCRIPTZuleyka Lopez Lisojo | LICSW
Have you ever felt guilty, like the worst father or the worst mother in the world? Have you felt discouraged in your parenting journey? Do you feel like you don’t know how to handle your young children’s “tantrums”? Does your teenager not talk to you, not even look at you? Do you sometimes think you are failing as a parent? Do you think you have to live up to social expectations? I understand you! I also used to think all of that. And at times, those thoughts still try to come back and torment me. Maybe you grew up with “tough love” parenting. Maybe you come from a dysfunctional family. Maybe you didn’t have a father or mother who was emotionally or physically present. It may be that those childhood experiences are influencing how you are raising your children today. And that same parenting style can also affect the way your children will choose to parent in adulthood, as fathers or mothers. I also know there is a part of you that believes there is another reality and another way of thinking about parenting.
Respectful parenting is a parenting style that promotes “respect for children and adolescents as relational subjects, who have the same rights as any adult person and, in addition, a set of rights that are inherent to them as human beings in development,” according to UNICEF. It is a way of looking at childhood from a rights-based perspective, as opposed to sayings like, “Children speak when pigs fly.” Have you ever heard that saying? I have, I heard it several times in my childhood. It was implied that I, as a girl, could NEVER express my opinion. Or at least that’s how I felt. How terrible! It’s amazing how we take away children’s voices. Then we ask ourselves why our children did not speak up in time when they were mistreated or sexually abused. Through respectful parenting or “positive parenting” (as it is known in English), children regain their right to think, feel, express, and be. Children have a safe space to be who they were created to be: GREAT.
I want to offer you a method to break with those beliefs that are influencing how you raise your children and that are not giving you the results you want. In addition, they do not help you strengthen your self-esteem and confidence as a father, mother, or person. Respectful parenting is characterized by:
Increasing your child’s self-esteem.
Discovering that children do behave well.
Setting limits and being consistent with your discipline.
Making time for your children.
Being a good role model.
Making communication a priority.
Being flexible and willing to adapt your parenting style.
Showing that your love is unconditional.
This parenting style, respectful parenting, is in itself a journey that you will walk, full of hits and misses. You will not master it all at once and it will be far from perfect, but you will feel a unique sense of satisfaction when you get it right. You will feel great satisfaction when your children thank you for listening to them and helping them manage their emotions or solve a problem. You will feel proud of your son or daughter when they tell you they were able to manage something on their own. And on those days when things don’t go well, when you weren’t able to manage your own impulses, be kind and patient with yourself. Be an example to your child of having self-compassion and self-respect.
As a mother and mental health professional, I am committed to helping fathers and mothers raise happy and self-sufficient children. As a mother, there is nothing more important than seeing my children happy. As a mother, I want to help my children become self-sufficient while also learning to be interdependent. As a professional, I want to equip families with the tools they need to overcome the challenges they face in the parenting process.
Many of the fathers and mothers I have worked with struggle to be consistent in reinforcing these qualities because of beliefs shaped by childhood trauma. On November 15, 2023, from 12 pm to 1 pm, I will be offering a webinar: Happy Parents, Happy Children. In this online seminar I will be sharing tools for respectful parenting. I invite you to participate and to invite your family and friends. Let’s be part of the solution to the crisis that families—and therefore the communities we live in—are experiencing. Let’s take responsibility for renewing the way we think about parenting and for developing effective strategies. If you also find it difficult to practice respectful parenting, I invite you to this virtual seminar.
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